That one thing

If you've ever seen the movie City Slickers, perhaps you remember that scene in which Billy Crystal's character asks Curly, the intense but wise veteran cowboy, about the meaning of life. Curly just holds up his index finger and says "One thing. Just one thing." Billy Crystal asks the obvious question, "What's that?" to which Curly replies, "That's what you have to figure out."

I think we tend to skim right over this question in real life, or we give pat answers with no depth. We say things like the meaning of life is finding happiness, or raising a healthy family, or enjoying what you do. Others, holier than these, reply that Jesus is the one thing. I probably would've counted myself among those with a pat answer, and I probably would've said "Jesus" as well. But that's not really enough, is it?

I mean, what do we do when we've decided to follow Jesus? What direction do we take? To whom do we listen? What about all the bazillion small decisions that must be made every day? What do we do with those? "Jesus" just doesn't seem to fit neatly, especially since many people claim to follow Jesus, but live radically different lives.

Then there's the question of those who don't follow Jesus for one reason or another. Do we conclude that their lives are meaningless? Can they never be truly happy? Perhaps there are some religious types who would argue that non-Christians can never be truly happy, but I'm pretty sure I've met some pretty happy people who aren't devoted to Jesus.

Hopefully, you can see what I'm getting at. There's no easy, one-size-fits-all answer to the question of life's purpose. I think that it's unique for everyone. As Curly said, it's something we've all got to figure out.

But why do I bring this up? Lately, I've been feeling stressed more than usual, and I've been frustrated. I think it's because there's something in me that's afraid to choose that "one thing." Instead, I'd rather keep my options open - forever, if possible. For example, when I was in college, I was a double-major in Biblical & Theological Studies and Economics - the only of my kind in my class (or any class as far back as my professors could remember). Was this because I dreamed of someday being a biblical economist or of being an evangelist to Wall Street? No, it was because I was afraid to shut one door and walk boldly through the other. I was afraid to make a decision. What if I was wrong about the "one thing" - that thing that would define much of who I would be for years to come? Sure, I told myself that I was just being wise and responsible, but the truth was I was paralyzed. And so, though it meant much more work, I refused to decide and instead graduated with an odd mix of studies under my belt.

And it wasn't just with college. If I sit back and really think about it, I can remember all kinds of compromised and half-hearted decisions. As a result, I feel like I'm constantly at odds with myself, trying to live up to certain priorities in one area of life, while struggling to get by in another. I took the job I have for practical reasons, but it sucks the life out of me on a daily basis. It's taking me way too long (and costing way too much) to finish seminary, because it took me such a long time to decide if I even should go. I don't speak up when I ought to, but then I get overwhelmed and run my mouth off when I shouldn't.

It's as if everything in me is screaming for simplicity and a chance to focus, but I'm juggling too many things to slow down and let that happen. Sure, there are areas that I'd love to just shrug off and let fall away, but that has become harder and harder with time.

I'd like to end this post on a positive note. However, I'm sure I haven't got it all figured out yet, at least not well enough to offer any sense of hope or direction. Right now, it's a struggle to get back to that one path - the one where my strengths, gifts, passions, and responsibilities collide in a beautiful sense of purpose and belonging. I'm trying (the Lord knows), but right now, it's a hope not yet realized.

Anyway, I hope these thoughts may have resonated with someone somewhere and maybe they provided the impetus to figure out that one thing.